What Would Aubrey Do?

Can't Let Go

We watched Lars and the Real Girl tonight.  If you get why this may have been a little awkward, good for you!  I liked the part where the doctor tells the brother that Bianca is real, she is right out there.  The reason I liked this line was not for the obvious reason, it is because I have been reminded of the fact that whatever your day is, may not be your whole life, but it is real.  It is what is happening, it is real.  We have to make our situations better.  It is so hard to turn my frown upside down some days and that is fine.  But it ultimately means, I had a day that I let myself not feel rummy and furry.  Some days are like that.  I really want to feel furry more often.  I need to make it happen.

As you may have guessed, I feel out of sorts and out of time.  My voice seems to not be the necessity it once was.  I love you all and I love rum... but I am not what I once was, my old world has disappeared.   I feel like a lost monarch, Queen Aubrey's Kingdom doesn't exist anymore and I am failing at passing myself off as a commoner.  No one would believe I am one of them anyway, right?

Anyway, wish me luck!  I know I am wishing you the craziest, most drunken luck in the world.  I know you all have your strange journeys too. 

Kisses.

Every Day Another Adventure

The thing about changing everything in your life is that it makes the world a new place.  The last time the world was a new place to me, I was a cub.  That wasn't an easy time. Sure, everything was a discovery but I didn't know how to do anything.  That was hard.  It is hard now.  There is a reason why many of us don't want to go back to childhood.  It's nice to already know things, it is nice to be comfortable.  Oh well.  On with the adventure!  Every day is a new challenge.  Drink rum and go with it.

Spring is in the Air

I have become an Apartment Bear of late, as I have no mascot duties/job.  As I flew to the liquor store this evening, I was suddenly overwhelmed.  The trees were closing in on me with their precious light green leaves that were dampened by the rain.  I know I should have only seen beauty but it seemed oppressive as if they were closing in on me.  It seems like the trees suddenly have a burden.  These are the sweet life-beginning leaves of spring... and yet all I see is less sky. 

I have pondered so very much since my girls have moved on but it is a long tale of obscured views.  I'm not even sure I know where I fit in this world quite yet, but I shall try to share my perspectives anyway.  Rum pretty, sky obscured, trees oppressive.  I thought of a song as I got mildly wet in the rain tonight.  "I need a phone call, I need a raincoat, I need a big love, I need a phone call."   I'm tufty now, I hate tufty.  I also hate being a bear who thinks this much. I really do.   Kisses.

Have You Ever Been a Mascot?

I have been a mascot for quite some time.  It is a strange state of affairs, to tell you the truth.  I represent the intangible but I am tangible.  It is a lot of responsibility.  Lately, I am at odds with my very identity.  It makes a bear feel adrift, perhaps on a sea of rum.  It sounds wonderful but it is very disorientating for a little bear.  I shall say no more but trust me.  I am not myself.

I Need A Little Rummas

I have been remiss.  It is the second day of Rummas!  Drink Rum!  We have but ten more days to meet pirates and forget our troubles with rum.  Drink deep and party hard!  I have been a total drunken rum mess but  I will try to write more for this occasion.  Sorry.

Not a Fairy Tale

Life is not some story that ends in happy ever after.  Maybe you will be happy and maybe you won't. Life is weird and hard and beautiful but rarely ever simple.  There is no prince and the mice carry disease- not your carriage.  We all shake our heads at these comments like it is so obvious and then we hope for the magic.  We think, "if this happens, then I will be fine."  Maybe it will happen and maybe you will be OK.   That is just a fantasy life.  All we have for sure is the present and we need to make the best of it.  End transmission.  Rum!

What A Bear Hates (a list)

1. Sobriety
2. Ambiguous advice
3. Taking what is not yours
4. People who don't really make up their minds
5. People who choose for me
6. Not knowing why
7. Waiting
8. Feeling guilty
9. Gin
10. Feeling bad
11. Feeling bad about feeling bad
12. Not having clarity when it is all that I want
13. Envying a dog for its deep love
14. Not having a clue
15. Reality
16. Meaninglessness
17. Conflict for conflict's sake
18. Talking about how I am doing right now
19. That it is not easier
20. That I am alone
21. Rum can't be sold in the middle of the night

To Rum or Not to Rum

I feel like my little beary life is a series if decisions of A vs. B.  The biggest problem with this set up is that neither A nor B is particularly appealing. I don't mean to complain, truly.  I am a lucky bear in so many ways.  AND YET... I am remarkably not doing well.  I am currently choosing not to make choices.   To see  family or not to see family. To continue or not to continue.  To speak or to stay silent.  To drink rum or to be a nice sensible bear.  To push the moment to its crisis or to let it be.  To hide or to rum.  Yes, rum.  Rum.  That is all.  I'll go back to rum, because rum is another drink!

13 Ways of Looking at Old Crow

I
Among twenty tipsy bodies,
The only pouring spirit
Was the the bottle of Old Crow.

II
I was on three cups,
Like a drunk
In which there are three Old Crows.

III
The Old Crow bought in the dirty store.
It was a small glimpse of the ugly truth.

IV
A bear and a rummy
are one.
A bear and a rummy and some Old Crow
are one.

V
I can't decide which I like best
The splendor of consumption
Or the splendor of drunkenness
The sipping Old Crow
Or right after.

VI
Ice cubes filled the tall glasses
With frozen blocks.
The brown stain of the Old Crow
Floated through the cup
The amber
Cutting through the clear
An indivisible liquid.

VII
O posh men of New York,
Why do you ingest mossy scotch?
Do you not know the Old Crow
Works on the minds
Of the ladies around you?

VII
I know brilliant linguists
And undeniable arguments
I also know,
That the Old Crow is a part
Of what I know.

IX
When the Old Crow dwindled away,
It left traces
Of one of several evenings.

X
At the smell of Old Crow,
In the languor of night,
Even a little rummy bear
Will breathe in deeply.

XI
She drove across California
In a small car.
Panic overtook her
When she imagined
The prospect of the future
Without Old Crow.

XII
The round earth is turning
The Old Crow must be flowing.

XII
It was Friday all week long.
It was windy.
And it had just gotten cold.
The Old Crow poured
In the chilly room.

Me vs. Vincent Van Gogh

I had adventures with Ms. B last night.  We drank with coworkers which was fun.  It meant that we showed up nicely toasted for the dinner party.  Once there, I camped out by the bottles of liquor and she went on her merry way.   By the time I found her later, she was sitting in the floor with a stuffed Vincent Van Gogh and was using him to charm the people.  Excuse me!  I charm the people.  I may not have a removable ear, paintbrush or masterpieces hanging in museums around the world, but I have charm, moxie and RUM!  May God have mercy on the soul of anyone who forgets how fabulous I am. I am an adorable bear, bitches!