What Would Aubrey Do?

My Only Friend, the End

I love drinking adventures of all kinds.  Tonight we were surrounded, not only by loyal friends of Brooke but by crazy bartenders who yell "$12.75" after ordering 3 jack and gingers.  A and B both tried to assure MM at this point that it was OK and that it won't make sense.  They both submit to the Chinatown mentality.  The amazing thing about the night is the people we encountered and who we all are.  One is lost and tired and searching, one is lost and beaten and holds hope and the last, well... the last always believes in love.  Love is the thing apparently.  All I know is that though I may be a small bear, I have huge love for these men.  You guys rock!!  Ms. B rocks too but that is hardly the point. Sleep well and kisses!

Hmmm... Interesting

Do you ever look back on you debauched youth and think, "wow!"  I may be a rummy but I sometimes look back on my youth and am amazed that I spent so much time so trashed.  It is not that I feel regret generally, it is just that I can't believe I did as much as I did in that state.  I am now an older bear and it is even hard to understand my past sometimes. How strange is that?  I used to hate people with my current perspective.  Why does the world have to turn inside out?  I mean... I know that I am still a fun bear who loves rum.  I like dressing up as insects, I like people and rum.  I sit at home with Brooke and wonder about the universe and yell at the TV when it comes to politics.  We are OK and we sometimes hesitate at the question of how we got here but the real question is... how do we get where we want to be?  What do we want?  What do I want for me?  Where am I going?  I guess I'll find out.

I know I'll be great but it will be effort and it's a new chapter for me.  I feel furry but also a little scared.  It's big but I have to believe in me and I do.  I 'm the rummiest bear I know and that counts for something.  If nothing else, I leave a mark.  Kisses.

So That's How it is in That Family

This place is different than I expected, better I guess.  She took a yoga class while I drank.  We have been across state lines where everyone drinks all day in the sun while swimming and operating boats... it rocked!  B was a champ, she never lost her dignity.  We had a room in the front of the lake house but there were no curtains which was a little strange.  It was fun though.  We  also got to visit the first Del Taco on the drive home.  This was only exciting for the humans but Brooke went on and on about how that was the only location to carry the tostada still.  Apparently, that made her excited so... yay!  We visited Aunt Shari and B taught her about the Internet while I hid from her dog.  It has been a very nice trip so far; a bit strange but good.

Living underground

I know, sorry!  What was I to do?  I am a mascot without cause or so I have been feeling.  I have been connecting my identity to what the Girls do for awhile.  Michele has been doing a number of things and Brooke has been paying her bills.  How am I to relate to that?  I drink rum, I was the voice-over mascot so where does that fit in?  It doesn't but I guess that is what needs exploring.  Where do any of us fit in when we aren't doing the things that we think people expect of us?

I will be spending the next two weeks with Miss Brooke (who is unemployed and does not have a plan, which is perfect) as we travel to the West Coast.  We will go to the lake where she spent the vacations of her childhood, we will spend time with her family members and we will celebrate her grandpa's ninety-fifth birthday less than a mile from the hospital in which she was born and her mother died. 

Maybe, maybe, maybe, I may find something to say during my journey.  Wish me luck!  I doubt anyone is even reading this because I have been so lax but I do hope to find my voice.  I am so much more than what the Girls used to do.  I am even more than just drinking rum even.  There is a path out there and perhaps we all will find it.  Perhaps we won't ever find it.  If I am me and I am enjoying myself, I don't care if I ever do.  The truth of the matter is that in the last many months, the one thing that has stood out in the darkness is the number of AMAZING friends who have been there and listened and shared their amazing selves with me over drinks, food, coffee or a walk.  If any of you are reading this, you have made it all bearable, no pun intended.  Kisses, rum and a prayer to find new words and new ways to look at things.  I'll check in next on the other side of the country. 

Can't Let Go

We watched Lars and the Real Girl tonight.  If you get why this may have been a little awkward, good for you!  I liked the part where the doctor tells the brother that Bianca is real, she is right out there.  The reason I liked this line was not for the obvious reason, it is because I have been reminded of the fact that whatever your day is, may not be your whole life, but it is real.  It is what is happening, it is real.  We have to make our situations better.  It is so hard to turn my frown upside down some days and that is fine.  But it ultimately means, I had a day that I let myself not feel rummy and furry.  Some days are like that.  I really want to feel furry more often.  I need to make it happen.

As you may have guessed, I feel out of sorts and out of time.  My voice seems to not be the necessity it once was.  I love you all and I love rum... but I am not what I once was, my old world has disappeared.   I feel like a lost monarch, Queen Aubrey's Kingdom doesn't exist anymore and I am failing at passing myself off as a commoner.  No one would believe I am one of them anyway, right?

Anyway, wish me luck!  I know I am wishing you the craziest, most drunken luck in the world.  I know you all have your strange journeys too. 

Kisses.

Every Day Another Adventure

The thing about changing everything in your life is that it makes the world a new place.  The last time the world was a new place to me, I was a cub.  That wasn't an easy time. Sure, everything was a discovery but I didn't know how to do anything.  That was hard.  It is hard now.  There is a reason why many of us don't want to go back to childhood.  It's nice to already know things, it is nice to be comfortable.  Oh well.  On with the adventure!  Every day is a new challenge.  Drink rum and go with it.

Spring is in the Air

I have become an Apartment Bear of late, as I have no mascot duties/job.  As I flew to the liquor store this evening, I was suddenly overwhelmed.  The trees were closing in on me with their precious light green leaves that were dampened by the rain.  I know I should have only seen beauty but it seemed oppressive as if they were closing in on me.  It seems like the trees suddenly have a burden.  These are the sweet life-beginning leaves of spring... and yet all I see is less sky. 

I have pondered so very much since my girls have moved on but it is a long tale of obscured views.  I'm not even sure I know where I fit in this world quite yet, but I shall try to share my perspectives anyway.  Rum pretty, sky obscured, trees oppressive.  I thought of a song as I got mildly wet in the rain tonight.  "I need a phone call, I need a raincoat, I need a big love, I need a phone call."   I'm tufty now, I hate tufty.  I also hate being a bear who thinks this much. I really do.   Kisses.

Have You Ever Been a Mascot?

I have been a mascot for quite some time.  It is a strange state of affairs, to tell you the truth.  I represent the intangible but I am tangible.  It is a lot of responsibility.  Lately, I am at odds with my very identity.  It makes a bear feel adrift, perhaps on a sea of rum.  It sounds wonderful but it is very disorientating for a little bear.  I shall say no more but trust me.  I am not myself.

I Need A Little Rummas

I have been remiss.  It is the second day of Rummas!  Drink Rum!  We have but ten more days to meet pirates and forget our troubles with rum.  Drink deep and party hard!  I have been a total drunken rum mess but  I will try to write more for this occasion.  Sorry.

Not a Fairy Tale

Life is not some story that ends in happy ever after.  Maybe you will be happy and maybe you won't. Life is weird and hard and beautiful but rarely ever simple.  There is no prince and the mice carry disease- not your carriage.  We all shake our heads at these comments like it is so obvious and then we hope for the magic.  We think, "if this happens, then I will be fine."  Maybe it will happen and maybe you will be OK.   That is just a fantasy life.  All we have for sure is the present and we need to make the best of it.  End transmission.  Rum!