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« October 2007 | Main | December 2007 »

Not a Fairy Tale

Life is not some story that ends in happy ever after.  Maybe you will be happy and maybe you won't. Life is weird and hard and beautiful but rarely ever simple.  There is no prince and the mice carry disease- not your carriage.  We all shake our heads at these comments like it is so obvious and then we hope for the magic.  We think, "if this happens, then I will be fine."  Maybe it will happen and maybe you will be OK.   That is just a fantasy life.  All we have for sure is the present and we need to make the best of it.  End transmission.  Rum!

What A Bear Hates (a list)

  1. Sobriety
  2. Ambiguous advice
  3. Taking what is not yours
  4. People who don't really make up their minds
  5. People who choose for me
  6. Not knowing why
  7. Waiting
  8. Feeling guilty
  9. Gin
  10. Feeling bad
  11. Feeling bad about feeling bad
  12. Not having clarity when it is all that I want
  13. Envying a dog for its deep love
  14. Not having a clue
  15. Reality
  16. Meaninglessness
  17. Conflict for conflict's sake
  18. Talking about how I am doing right now
  19. That it is not easier
  20. That I am alone
  21. Rum can't be sold in the middle of the night

To Rum or Not to Rum

I feel like my little beary life is a series if decisions of A vs. B.  The biggest problem with this set up is that neither A nor B is particularly appealing. I don't mean to complain, truly.  I am a lucky bear in so many ways.  AND YET... I am remarkably not doing well.  I am currently choosing not to make choices.   To see  family or not to see family. To continue or not to continue.  To speak or to stay silent.  To drink rum or to be a nice sensible bear.  To push the moment to its crisis or to let it be.  To hide or to rum.  Yes, rum.  Rum.  That is all.  I'll go back to rum, because rum is another drink!

13 Ways of Looking at Old Crow

I
Among twenty tipsy bodies,
The only pouring spirit
Was the the bottle of Old Crow.

II
I was on three cups,
Like a drunk
In which there are three Old Crows.

III
The Old Crow bought in the dirty store.
It was a small glimpse of the ugly truth.

IV
A bear and a rummy
are one.
A bear and a rummy and some Old Crow
are one.

V
I can't decide which I like best
The splendor of consumption
Or the splendor of drunkenness
The sipping Old Crow
Or right after.


VI
Ice cubes filled the tall glasses
With frozen blocks.
The brown stain of the Old Crow
Floated through the cup
The amber
Cutting through the clear
An indivisible liquid.

VII
O posh men of New York,
Why do you ingest mossy scotch?
Do you not know the Old Crow
Works on the minds
Of the ladies around you?

VII
I know brilliant linguists
And undeniable arguments
I also know,
That the Old Crow is a part
Of what I know.

IX
When the Old Crow dwindled away,
It left traces
Of one of several evenings.

X
At the smell of Old Crow,
In the languor of night,
Even a little rummy bear
Will breathe in deeply.

XI
She drove across California
In a small car.
Panic overtook her
When she imagined
The prospect of the future
Without Old Crow.

XII
The round earth is turning
The Old Crow must be flowing.

XII
It was Friday all week long.
It was windy.
And it had just gotten cold.
The Old Crow poured
In the chilly room.