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My Favorite Blogs

  • The Plagiarist
    Michele's little brother's blog. Ok, so Michele doesn't really have a brother.....but he's the closest thing in her only child life to a brother, so read it.
  • What Would Cookie Do
    "Just a guy living in boston, trying to stay out of trouble while helping society's kids do the same. by day, at least." So says the blog....I say, read it because it's intelligent, even though Cookie is NO Aubrey.

What A Bear Hates (a list)

  1. Sobriety
  2. Ambiguous advice
  3. Taking what is not yours
  4. People who don't really make up their minds
  5. People who choose for me
  6. Not knowing why
  7. Waiting
  8. Feeling guilty
  9. Gin
  10. Feeling bad
  11. Feeling bad about feeling bad
  12. Not having clarity when it is all that I want
  13. Envying a dog for its deep love
  14. Not having a clue
  15. Reality
  16. Meaninglessness
  17. Conflict for conflict's sake
  18. Talking about how I am doing right now
  19. That it is not easier
  20. That I am alone
  21. Rum can't be sold in the middle of the night

To Rum or Not to Rum

I feel like my little beary life is a series if decisions of A vs. B.  The biggest problem with this set up is that neither A nor B is particularly appealing. I don't mean to complain, truly.  I am a lucky bear in so many ways.  AND YET... I am remarkably not doing well.  I am currently choosing not to make choices.   To see  family or not to see family. To continue or not to continue.  To speak or to stay silent.  To drink rum or to be a nice sensible bear.  To push the moment to its crisis or to let it be.  To hide or to rum.  Yes, rum.  Rum.  That is all.  I'll go back to rum, because rum is another drink!

13 Ways of Looking at Old Crow

I
Among twenty tipsy bodies,
The only pouring spirit
Was the the bottle of Old Crow.

II
I was on three cups,
Like a drunk
In which there are three Old Crows.

III
The Old Crow bought in the dirty store.
It was a small glimpse of the ugly truth.

IV
A bear and a rummy
are one.
A bear and a rummy and some Old Crow
are one.

V
I can't decide which I like best
The splendor of consumption
Or the splendor of drunkenness
The sipping Old Crow
Or right after.


VI
Ice cubes filled the tall glasses
With frozen blocks.
The brown stain of the Old Crow
Floated through the cup
The amber
Cutting through the clear
An indivisible liquid.

VII
O posh men of New York,
Why do you ingest mossy scotch?
Do you not know the Old Crow
Works on the minds
Of the ladies around you?

VII
I know brilliant linguists
And undeniable arguments
I also know,
That the Old Crow is a part
Of what I know.

IX
When the Old Crow dwindled away,
It left traces
Of one of several evenings.

X
At the smell of Old Crow,
In the languor of night,
Even a little rummy bear
Will breathe in deeply.

XI
She drove across California
In a small car.
Panic overtook her
When she imagined
The prospect of the future
Without Old Crow.

XII
The round earth is turning
The Old Crow must be flowing.

XII
It was Friday all week long.
It was windy.
And it had just gotten cold.
The Old Crow poured
In the chilly room.

Me vs. Vincent Van Gogh

I had adventures with Ms. B last night.  We drank with coworkers which was fun.  It meant that we showed up nicely toasted for the dinner party.  Once there, I camped out by the bottles of liquor and she went on her merry way.   By the time I found her later, she was sitting in the floor with a stuffed Vincent Van Gogh and was using him to charm the people.  Excuse me!  I charm the people.  I may not have a removable ear, paintbrush or masterpieces hanging in museums around the world, but I have charm, moxie and RUM!  May God have mercy on the soul of anyone who forgets how fabulous I am. I am an adorable bear, bitches!

The State of Not Being OK

It is strange, perhaps it is universal, but it seems to me that everyone is really not OK.  For the most part, everyone is really upfront about it.  They look at me and say things as blunt as, " I am not OK", "I'm not doing well",  "I am having a really hard time" and my favorite, "I am in no way alright."  What makes it so strange is that it is not just a few people I know, it seems to be everyone I meet.  Does that mean something?  Is it the end of the rum?  How can so many people be having such an awful time?  As a love bear, it makes me really sad. 

There must be a way for all of you to comfort each other.  Obviously, you understand each other so why is everyone feeling alone in their pain?  It seems weird but I guess the point is, that we all just have to find a way to get by.  Still, my rum even seems to be struggling.  I hope it gets better for everone. I need my rum to be happy.  Sleep well, sweet rum.  Sleep well.

Some v. Most

There was a time when I went to a party and most people would wonder where I was, but not tonight. Where were you?  I was at a party with free booze and many rejoiced.  The drunkest of you knew to say hello to me.  I may have been hidden but you knew.  The rest of you were oblivious to how my little bear self watched from the wings, unamused.  You will find out what your inattention brings... I promise.  Cross my hearts and hope to sober!   I missed you Foxy.  I hope you are celebrating your success.  TTFN. P.S. I heard every word you said....bitches!

Lonely Weekend

I was a lonely love bear this weekend.  I was supposed to spend the weekend with Michele, but she had other things going on that led to her not hanging out with me nearly enough.  The majority of my weekend was spent in Michele's tiny apartment, just me and the admiral.  I don't know what she was up to, but I'm at least fairly certain it wasn't sober.  At least, I know the wedding wasn't.  A Howland doesn't get married around sober people!  She tells me that it was a beautiful wedding despite the god part that happened.  Again, I'm not sure why I wasn't invited...some bullshit about too small a purse.  Ahem....use a different one.

That said, I had a lot of time to myself and to think.  And I've realized something.....men are silly.  I've seen how they act and I've heard stories from the girls and I just don't understand how men could be intimidated by my girls.  They are fierce, without a doubt, but they are so loving...so what's to fear?  Afraid that you'll be happy?  Then go be sad because we don't have time for you.  We do, however, have time to plan for difficult logistics and back up plans.

My girls, multitasking....as ever.  Same for me, as I type and drink rum. 

Superbad

I've never been happier to be of legal drinking age and also to be a love bear that's always taken care of rum-wise than I was while watching Superbad.  Those poor boys just wanted to get alcohol, but being in High School made that difficult at best.  I remember when I was back in Texas as a cub and even then I could still get my drink on.  Those poor, poor boys!  But it all worked out in the end as things tend to do (faster in movies than life, but still). 

Other than my irrational fears that procuring alcohol will be as difficult for me (THE HORROR!), the movie was unbelievably funny.  Ms. Michele and Ms. Brooke thoroughly enjoyed it and Ms. Michele has been randomly laughing at memories of it all weekend.  "People don't forget!"  Tee Hee.

And I hope that people don't forget to drink rum.  I know I won't.

Bears, Vodka, Whiskey and Beer

It was Thursday today, not Friday.  I know that I thought it was Friday.  Did any of you?  I have been a sporadic writer of late, I know.  Sorry, but I sometimes like to speak directly to the rum.  Still, tonight my girls went out with a client and had a nice drinky night.  I like group drinks and I like fun drinky conversation.  The clients are so cute.  Rum, rum- tomorrow is Superbad-rum!

A Review of the Rules

Clearly my lack of blogging recently has caused some people to believe that things have changed regarding my lifestyle.  This is simply not true!  I am a love bear who drinks rum.  It's who I am and it's what I do.  And to that end, I must remind those that gain the pleasure of my company on the weekends (specifically, if I'm bringing a friend home) should be drinking, loving, partying, Girls Nighting, generally enjoying yourself and me!  You will not NOT take me to parties.  You will not stop drinking for a few days.  You will not beg out of Girls Night.  You will not spend time sleeping and "catching up on TV" for multiple weekend days. 

You will give me rum.  You will spend time with the girls and bring me.  You will drink, preferably rum but I'm not going to be that picky.  You will enjoy every minute of our time together and if you know you can't do that, you must forfeit your weekend.  And bring me makeup rum.

The rules are now clear.  Thank you and drink rum.